and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

today was the first day of our mini vacation. we are up in Indianapolis, Indiana visiting Ryan’s sister and brother in law. I haven’t been up here since September of last year because of school I was unable to come with Ryan the last time he came. We brought Georgia along for the ride too, she did really well given she’s never been on a long trip before. From our house to Amanda and Wes’ house was 10 and a half hours. That’s a very long trip for our little pup. I was worried because she did not pee the whole way up here or when we got here. She has since so I’m no longer such a worried Mom. She’s being a very good girl so far, I’m hoping she’ll be good all weekend.

Ever since Amanda (Ryan’s sister) moved up here Ryan has been talking about wanting to move up here too. It has always been our biggest fights. At first I was absolutely against moving up here and I am still not thrilled about it because Indiana isn’t my home and is not where any of my family are located. I have now realized that it might not be so bad; it isn’t what I want because I ultimately would like to live near the beach and below the Mason Dixon. I don’t think I would be completely unhappy here though, it’s near the city, which Ryan and I have talked about wanting to live. There is a lot of money to be made up here and it could possibly give Ryan and I a better life until we get more years of experience and education under our belts. I know Ryan doesn’t want to live here forever, and I think I could commit to a few years. We wouldn’t be up here alone, we would have family… but I would be a long long way from my parents and that would be so hard for me. I am the only child and I am super close to both of my parents, I would really hate them missing out on pivotal moments in mine and Ryan’s life. Ultimately, I think they would completely understand.

I want us to have a very comfortable life and to be able to provide everything and more for our children. I want to be able to give them the moon and the stars. Who knows, this might be it.

I love Ryan  and will do anything I need to do for our family and for us to have the life we want to live. I have learned that love really is not selfish, which is how I acted when Ryan first brought up moving so far way. I have to start loving more openly and not to always stick to how I feel that things should be. I need to learn to start accepting things for what they are and not what I feel they need to be.

Ryan and I will probably talk about this whole situation on our way home, but we both know we are not doing anything until after I graduate and after our wedding. So nothing will happen until next summer. Amanda says she will hire Ryan and that would be awesome if she could, she even said she would hire me until I could fine me something IT related, which would be pretty good. oh well, I’m going to for pizza and a movie. Goodnight!

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